At least the Xbox One X is launching with limited edition Power Doritos

3 min read
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Look back. It’s E3 and I’m excited for Microsoft. A new console, one which has enough raw power to double as a Death Star, is due for its first proper reveal and that’ll show Sony. I’m in an apartment that is slowly being flanked by an army of homeless people outside as Alessandro sits in on the actual event. I’m wondering if Phil Spencer and his awesome collection of T-Shirts are going to keep the sexy Scorpio name for this new console.

Hell, I’m slobbering at the thought of seeing new games revealed, or a few upgraded ones at least. The show starts, the segment we’ve been waiting for finally kicks off and…

Oh hell Microsoft, what have you done. Xbox One X? Like that won’t confuse the well-meaning grannies. Hey, at least the games should make up for it, right? Look at your desk, now back to me: It’s Terry Crews in peak Terry Crews condition and yelling about Crackdown 3 because the marketing department at Xbox probably just watched The Longest Yard remake and thought that fella who rapped about McDonalds would appeal to Generation X.

Fast forward a few months later, and the one game that was due to launch with the Xbox One X-Pac has been delayed. It’s really not looking good for team green, know what I’m saying? Well hold on to your asses folks, because the next level of gaming is launching with the next generation of MSG on a mass-produced flat fried potato. BEHOLD! POWER DORITOS:

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The images above, which shockingly aren’t a ploy by Lex Luthor to get Superman to crap his super-pants with Doritonite, came from Redditor Atomic Jorge via NeoGAF. Here’s what he had to say about the chips that look like the bastard child of Green Lantern and a bag of potatoes that had expired:

Hi I took the pics Xbox Mexico and Doritos are giving away games controllers and even the Xbox One X when it launches, you have to redeem some codes on their website in order to win, the codes are inside the bags right now they are only available on Mexico
They taste like grilled jalapeño peppers I like them.

As Weird Al Yankovic once said: Just eat it.

Last Updated: August 21, 2017

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

  • TV TV TV TV TV! CHIPS CHIPS CHIPS! Games? Pffft.

    • Hammersteyn

      Where’s the Mountain Dew though?

  • Original Heretic

    Hulk flavoured Doritos!!

  • HairyEwok

    Remember, look at director and producers t-shirts, maybe they’ll walk with one on again that hints to a new game release.

  • Hammersteyn

    When people said they wanted new stuff on XBOX they meant games, not Doritos. Also, that looks gross.

    • bigevilworldwide

      And garbage like this is exactly why Xbox is a joke this gen….Obviously they learned nothing

  • MonsterCheddar
    • Hammersteyn

      Looks like Shrek’s toenails 🤢🤢🤢

      • MonsterCheddar

        EWWWW. Thanks for that….Mental image….

        • Hammersteyn

          It’s what I do.

  • I_am_Duffman!

    “flat fried potato”

    Pretty sure Dorito’s are corn chips and not potato chips.

  • HvR

    Those chips will give you cloud power

    • Hammersteyn

      Green clouds.

  • Pieter Kruger

    Whahahahaha! Hope I can eat some of those while playing games at incredibally visually stunning levels PS4No can only dream of and cry itself to sleep over at night! 😂😂😂

    • Hammersteyn

      Yeah good point, too bad Sony is done making consoles…. or are they?

      • MonsterCheddar

        Sou nie kon sê nie.

        • Hammersteyn

          Heh, “Sou nie”

          • MonsterCheddar

            XD

      • Pieter Kruger

        Well after the stumble with PS4No and PSVR maybe they should give hardware a rest I agree, but then again competition is always good!

        • Hammersteyn

          PSVR stumbled? I think it’s doing rather well. Sure there’s growing pains but I’m definitely gonna budget for it next gen.

          • Pieter Kruger

            PSVR is terrible, support & sales wise LOL! Rather get a proper Oculus Rift, I mean, it can do everything your PSVR claims it can and more……

          • Hammersteyn

            Um no? They’ve sold more than a million headsets as of June 2017 and it has over 230 titles. Not sure where you heard what you just said.

          • Pieter Kruger

            What’s that, not even 1.5% attach rate for new hardware, it’s terrible. PSVR tech sucks, it’s a mix of “new” cheap inferior and early 2000 tech with sub par shovelware you’d expect to find for free on a phone! But enough of that, shouldn’t you be changing your PSN details……again?😂😂😂

          • Hammersteyn

            Like I said, they’re experiencing growing pains. It’s new hardware after all. At least they release sales figures of their hardware, instead of the number of concurrent users

          • Pieter Kruger

            It’s not new, that’s the problem, it’s old and trash! No HDR throughput even? Have you seen those move controllers….the 1990’s phoned……Sony has been very secretive about PS4Pro
            Sales figures, only ever giving hints and vague statements……..hmmmmm 😂😂😂

          • Hammersteyn

            Proper VR is new for consoles, not sure why it doesn’t have HDR, but it could be because it’s expensive to implement? I’ve owned the move controllers on PS3 back in the day, they were a novel idea and very accurate. Was fun to play golf games with them. Found an article about sales, not sure if you’ll read it or if you’ll be tossing more emojis in the comments. 20%(13 000 000) of all PS4 sales are PS4Pro’s. Which is a lot. Can’t compare it to XBOX sales though, MS took their ball and went home.
            http://www.playstationlifestyle.net/2017/06/05/sony-psvr-sales-top-1-million-20-of-ps4-sales-since-november-are-a-pro/

          • Pieter Kruger

            Proper VR is absent from console, wait for Xbox One X to bring it or PSVR2 with PS5, until then, trash will stay trash!😂😂😂

          • Hammersteyn

            That’s what I said, I’d wait for the next console before buying.

          • Gluten-free Cheese Puffs

            But Microsoft failed to capitalise on their version of the PS EYETOY. What makes you think they’re going to be able to deliver on their version of the PSVR?

          • Gluten-free Cheese Puffs

            LOL! At least the PSVR… HAS GAMES! HAHAHAHA!

          • Pieter Kruger

            Oh my, straight out of GAF! ROFL! That must be the most laughed at comment on the net whenever someone implies Xbox have no games. It’s pure gold, one day it’ll be up in the Museum of Stupids’ top ten I’m sure!😂😂😂

  • Josh Morland

    Can’t make this sh_t up.

  • shinningserpent

    darryn you sound like a jealous pussy.suckstation pro had no games when it came out so feel bad with that weak ass machine fan boy nerd.

    • MonsterCheddar

      Oi, fucknuts, leave Darryn alone and watch your language.

      • Hammersteyn

        But, but you just swore as well?

        • MonsterCheddar

          Thing is, I know I’m an asshole. Don’t be like me. XD

          • Hammersteyn

            Strong cheddar is strong.

          • MonsterCheddar

            Strong Cheddar is an acquired taste indeed.

    • Gluten-free Cheese Puffs

      You seem upset, maybe you need to play a game……. Oh snap! 😂 😂 😂

      • Hammersteyn

        XD XD XD

    • Hammersteyn

      But tell us have you really feel, once you’re done shining your serpent.

  • Gluten-free Cheese Puffs

    The Boney X got no game, son!!!! 😂

  • Gluten-free Cheese Puffs

    Seriously… that looks gross. It reminds me of fungal infection… ugh!

  • Pieter Kruger

    “At least the xbox One X is launching with limited edition Power Doritos” Oh and more than triple the number of supported games the PS4No launched with!?😂😂😂

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