Kevin Smith is making a movie about a Walrus and a Psychopath

2 min read
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Yeah, you heard me. The film’s working title is TUSK, and according to his twitter feed, writer/director/maker of funny faces Kevin Smith has just completed a first draft and sent it off to his first choice to star in the picture. That man is Quentin Tarantino’s lucky charm Michael Parks, and the flick itself is a disturbing tale of a man and his insatiable need for Walrus.

You can listen to the invention of the movie here, where Smith and longtime hetero lifemate Scott Mosier start by discussing this gumtree ad on their regular podcast. The ad is by an older gentleman offering free lodging, on the condition that the lodger takes two hours out of his day to dress up in a realistic, custom-made Walrus costume. While in character, the Walrus is only allowed to make dulcet Walrus sounds, act as a Walrus would, and that includes catching and eating the fish and crabs occasionally thrown to him. Sounds like a sweet deal right? You’re probably applying right now.

Now, if you’ve ever listened to Smodcast – and you really should – what followed will not surprise you at all. An innocent discussion about a no doubt innocent internet ad quickly turns into a horrific story of a sociopath who disappears the lodger for good and sews him into the costume. That sounds a lot more Human Centipede than Clerks III, which until recently was to be Smith’s last motion picture. Like him and his quit-but-never-quit attitude or not, it’s never boring following what the man gets up to.

And if you’ve got an hour and change, do yourself the favour of listening to Smith and Mosier orally script the plot for the greatest movie never made, Holy Christ!   Spoilers: It features a giant ass-kicking Jesus who knows Kung Fu and shoots lasers from his eyes.

Last Updated: July 19, 2013

Gavin Mannion

I for one welcome our future robotic overlords

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