Michael Bay tells upset Turtles fans to take a chill-pill, Turtles creator calls him a "genius". Sort of.

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While you can call Michael Bay many things (Military vehicle fetishist, explosion aficionado, model-turned-actress uplifter, dapper sunglasses wearer), “subtle” is probably not one of them. So it comes as no surprise that when the director responds to the public outcry from fans about his proposed idea to reboot the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as aliens, he doesn’t take the most diplomatic approach.

Posting on his blog, Bay responded with this respiratory and temperature advice for upset fans:

“Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”

Naturally, this pissed off fans even more, because despite the fact that the rest of his statement is offering some sort of solace, you simply don’t just tell people to “chill”. Who does he think he is? Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Joel Schumacher Batman film?

One of the Turtles co-creators (not the one mentioned by Bay), Peter Laird, however he is a bit more hopeful about this whole affair. Sort of.  Taking to his blog, Laird had this to say:

“I have had several requests from TMNT fans during this past week to comment on the idea of the Turtles being “reimagined” as aliens for the upcoming TMNT movie to be produced by Michael Bay. A few people — who don’t seem to understand that I am no longer in control of the property — want me to stop this, somehow. Obviously, I can’t do that, even if I wanted to.”

“But I would actually encourage TMNT fans to swallow the “chill pill” Mr. Bay recently suggested they take, and wait and see what might come out of this seemingly ill-conceived plan. It’s possible that with enough truly creative brainpower applied to this idea, it might actually work. I’m not saying it’s probable, or even somewhat likely… but it IS possible.”

“However, as I have pondered this further, I have realized that in one way it IS truly a genius notion. Let me explain…”

“Over the years, I have made no secret of my distaste for what I consider to be the weak, facile, creatively bankrupt idea which can be summed up like this:”

“If FOUR Ninja Turtles are good, then FIVE (or more) Ninja Turtles MUST be better!”

“It was in large part this brain-dead notion that led to the creation of the execrable “Venus de Milo” character in the blessedly short-lived live action TV series “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation”. And I can’t tell you how many times we got mail in the early years of the Turtles from people who thought it was simply an amazing idea to do a “fifth Turtle”, and how many times those same people suggested that this fifth Turtle be named “Picasso”. And many times, the brilliant idea to explain this extra Turtle was that, instead of there being just four pet shop turtles in that glass bowl in the origin story, there were really FIVE.”

“Sigh.”

“…the reason I say it could be a “genius” idea is that — for the first time — someone has come up with a way to have as many freakin’ Turtles as they want. I mean, if the TMNT are actually members of an alien race, there could be a whole PLANET of them!”

 

If there was ever a case for an established sarcasm font on the internet, then this would be it, because honestly, I have no idea whether he is being genuine in his approval of a Turtle planet or not. Most of the time, when I call people geniuses, it’s with a mocking grin/and or eye-rolling.

Personally, if Bay and co were to come up with a sound logical reason for the fact that there are somehow turtles on another planet that just so happen to have developed a fighting style exactly like that of a 15th Century Eastern Earth culture, then maybe I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. But last time I checked, sound logic was not really a Michael Bay strongpoint. Explosions in slow-motion: yes. Logic: not so much.

 

Last Updated: March 22, 2012

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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