Top List Thursdays – Top 15 Insults

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It’s one thing to have a quotable movie, but it takes some special skill to create an insult that resonates for years to come. Few films manage that, but we’ve got a list here of the ones that did.

And seeing as how this list is mainly made up of ‘Merica films, expect tons of NSFW potty language after the jump.

Bad Santa

You’re an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dogshit. Every single fucking thing about you is ugly.

You know your life is in the crapper, when a Christmas midget that is married to a plastic mail order bride from Asia gives you grief.

National Lampoons Vacation

“You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”

I think Chevy Chase might be upset about something.

Billy Madison

What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.

Some insults are crude, rude and uncalled for. And then some are profound moments that can spark an epiphany, like this gem from one of Adam Sandler’s earlier flicks.

The Three Amigos

You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!

I’ll be honest here, and admit that I really cannot stand Steve Martin, but in this instance, his following lines are sheer brilliance. But only this one time, only this one time.

Anchorman: The legend of Ron Burgundy

You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?

If there is such a thing as Whore Island, you’ll most likely find me there. Or at the hospital clinic getting several shots after spending a weekend at that getaway.

Dodgeball

Will someone please catch a goddamn ball? It’s like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!

Brief, brilliant and it hits harder than a chucked spanner. Just one of the many reasons why I love this film.

A Clockwork Orange

How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!

Yeah, I still have no idea what the hell anyone was saying in A ClockWork Orange, without the use of a WW2 Enigma code-cracking device next to me.

In Bruges

YOU’RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!

Want to know why Kervyn has so many broken phones? Because chatting to me always leaves him angry enough to re-enact this scene, which I found to just be so much better than the genitalia-themed insult that Brendan Gleeson delivers later on in the film.

Get Carter

You know, I’d almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Piss-holes in the snow.

Michael Cane, 41 years younger and with an undiluted cockney accent, lays the truth down hard and succinctly. And then Stallone cocked it up several years later with that remake.

Army of Darkness

Well hello Mister Fancypants. I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things right now: Jack and shit… and Jack left town.

I really wish people would stop quoting this to me whenever I try and lead a group on a Friday night.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Well, that’s what you get when you piss the French off. And also for being a silly English person what with your knees bent backwards running about.

White men can’t jump

I seen yo momma kicking a can down the street. I said, ‘what you doing?’ She said, ‘moving’.

At which point, the audience collectively gased, sat back, and muttered DAAAAAAYUMN!

Point Break

I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it on your face!

Gary Busey has a special kind of madness, one that results from seeing and experiencing things that no man should ever see. And knowing him, he was merely dipping into his actual memories when he spouted that classic line.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary, you know what you’ll find?” “A picture of me?” “No, the definition of the word ‘idiot’ which you fucking are.

Every time I make a typo, Kervyn yells that line at me. And then throws several Webster dictionaries at me afterwards.

Full Metal Jacket

It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!

R Lee Ermey is pretty much the closest ting we’ll ever have to a real life Captain America super-soldier, but with far more lethality. The man is pure hate and enthusiasm, a tornado of insults and rapid-fire disgust and in a film where he was finally set loose, he reached a new level when it came to verbal abuse.

Hell, I’d have paid good money just to see 90 minutes of him chewing people out, instead of the rest of the film.

Last Updated: September 27, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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