Testy Festy Far Cry 5 (5)

When Far Cry 5 arrives next year, it’ll no doubt kickstart plenty of discussions. There’ll be features debating its portrayal of not-so-United States, the use of fundamentalism as bullet sponges and how said game represents both the best and the worst of America in an era where that nation’s reputation isn’t exactly shining on the world stage currently.

You could say that Far Cry 5 is a brave game for staying on target and creating such a narrative to explore. Hell, you could even say that Far Cry 5 has cajones. Brass ones. The bojangles, majesticles or a sackumference. You wouldn’t be wrong exactly, because while Far Cry 5 does tackle some serious subject matter, it’s also not afraid to let its hair down and offer a more goofy mission to enjoy along the way. Involving tackle.

Testy Festy Far Cry 5 (1)

A mission that requires you to gain access to some special ingredients, for the upcoming Testy Festy that local cook Casey Seagal happens to host every year in the county. It is an utterly mad quest, that involves you sneaking onto a farm and murdering three well-endowed prize bulls for their pairs of Alabama Barn Slammers.

It gets even more mental when you realise that the ornery bulls need to be culled in a particular manner. One such method involves getting your hands on diced love spuds by running a bull over with some farming equipment, while the other bull needs to have his musty nuggets flame-grilled before they’re ready. The best is saved for last of course: Engorged broveries, that need to be sized when the stud is ready to ensure that his DNA passes through a nearby fertile cow.

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Utterly crazy and another reason why I’ve always loved the Far Cry series. It’s these moments, where the series reminds fans of why they’re playing a video game, that have always put a smile on my face. It’s silly, juvenile stuff and a perfect breather between the more serious moments present in Far Cry 5. If you’ve got the wangsicles to play it that is.

Last Updated: December 18, 2017

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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