Ali vs. Fraser? Don’t care. Sugar Ray vs. Hitman Hearns? Yawn. Ward vs. Gatti? Snore. Mayweather vs Pacquiao? Old hat. The real fight of the century happens tomorrow. It’s not in Las Vegas, or some sort of rumble in the Jungle – it happens right here in Johannesburg, tomorrow afternoon. I am, of course, talking about the epic Mortal Kombat matchup between our own Darryn Bonthuys, and that diminutive bearded twat from SA Gamer, Dave Kozsomethingorother.
For the affections of a lady, Darryn and Dave will go head to head in the best worst Mortal Kombat game ever, at the finals of the local leg of the Mortal Kombat cup.
Here’s the thing. I love Darryn like a brother (a relationship similar to the one betwixt Johnny Depp and Leo “No Oscar” Di Caprio in “What’s eating Gilbert Grape?”), but I don’t really favour his chances. As much hate as I harbour for Dave, his piddly beard, goofy grin and his head full of custard, I know that Darryn is bad at games. Like, really, really bad.
I don’t know for sure, but I’ve heard tales that Dave isn’t completely rubbish at games. While I would love for Darryn to win, save face, get the girl’s hand and win this on behalf of Lazygamer, I’m just not quite as bullish as Darryn is.
“Greetings and fistifications fight fans. I, THE D, am ready. Ready to rock your world on Saturday. It may be cold right now, but the heat is on.
And when I’m done with this so-called “Dave”, Johannesburg will be nothing but a smoking crater of Tapout T-shirts and road rage. I’m going to level the Dave so bad at the Mortal Kombat X finals, that his face will look like a sequel to Mad Max: Fury Road.
No more holding back. No more playing nice. This isn’t a fight. It’s an execution. And I am the thumb of righteous fury that points down to his demise! SO JUST BRING IT THE DAVE!”
Okay then. You tell us. What do you think? Is Darryn going to win this thing, or is he going to embarrass the lot of us?
Last Updated: June 5, 2015
Pariah
June 5, 2015 at 10:32
Nope.
tomas_ammy
June 6, 2015 at 06:38
?~~~? $91 per h0ur @mi12//
??? https://www•AllCurrencies/Earn/MIGApproved
??????????????????????????
Loftus
June 5, 2015 at 10:35
Big D. you can do it!
#teamDfortheWin
ida piili
June 7, 2015 at 05:18
???? $91 per h0ur @mi12//
??? https://www•AllCurrencies/Earn/MIGApproved
??????????????????????????????
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:36
Diminutive bearded twat…Sounds like a naughty movie title
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:36
I hope he wins, just because Lazygamer >>> the rest
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
The game or the lady’s heart? I can only see only one of those things may happen. 😛
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:40
Aye, only one impossibility at a time!
Pariah
June 5, 2015 at 11:06
“I believe in 10 impossible things before breakfast.”
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:09
I’d have stitches every week if I believed in that ;P
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:41
Technically he should sit back and let the crap be beaten out him while everyone watching uses insult-based humour to make things worse.
THAT would be a true Lazygamer representation.
hairyknees
June 5, 2015 at 10:37
I will have prego rolls ready pre-fight to make sure Darryn is at his absolute best!
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
He’s playing a fighting game not a cricket game. He doesn’t need Runs
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
LOOOL
hairyknees
June 5, 2015 at 10:40
XD
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:53
HAHAHA!
Valshen
June 5, 2015 at 11:28
I want some too, thanks.
hairyknees
June 5, 2015 at 11:53
But… you trained the enemy? #CONFLICT!!!!!!!!
Valshen
June 5, 2015 at 11:59
WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ENEMY? BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR ANSWER
hairyknees
June 5, 2015 at 12:12
THE ENEMY IS ESKOM!
Aries
June 5, 2015 at 10:37
Good Luck
Mistake Not...
June 5, 2015 at 10:38
Good luck! Hope you win, Dave!
Oh, wait wrong team.
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:38
Now this is a nice FFD
Aries
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
HAHAHa
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:38
You know…Sometimes I look at D’s journal and think, man, look at that workout regime, that’s a champ right there…Then I remember the Darryn that spewed white foam while eating a chilli and then I’m just not sure anymore. I want to believe, but maybe, just like that chilli, the heat is too much for D….
…
…
WHO am I kidding!??Obviously D is gonna win. Ol Dave shmave Can’t touch our D!
CAN’T
TOUCH
OUR
D!!
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
Wow. Just when I thought I’d forgotten all about the chili thing.
Thanks a LOT Umar 😉
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
One can never forget that epic moment…The white foam lives on in us all.
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
Seriously, enough now. 😛
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:44
Heeee ^_^ Ok! I’ll stop talking about D and white foam.
Novakaine
June 5, 2015 at 13:13
Is there video evidence of this feat of supidity…er…bravery??
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 13:51
: ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xqEER0Qhfs
Novakaine
June 5, 2015 at 14:22
Too funny!!! Although the slime is a little disturbing…
I dared my brothers to both eat a Carolina Reaper as a challenge…my oldest brother’s wife then reminded me that he has stomach ulcers and it might cause permanent damage so we had to call it off…lol
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:39
Hah, I remember the cobweb chilli incident!
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:40
Our D? O_o
O, you mean Darryn
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:42
…No…OUR D. He is the D that represents us all!
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
A real stand-up kind of D.
Wait, what?
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
No one can beat that D…I mean…God dammit…..
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:44
http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/6207791_700b_v1.jpg
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:46
LOL Soggy D from the milk….Dammit….I can’t help myself 🙁
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:49
*Shoves Umar back into the closet. 😛
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:49
Lemme out! 🙁 I wanna make more D jokes 🙁 🙁
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:58
hahahaha eeeeewwwwwww
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
Well… it was your comment, never know with all those tentacles and stuff.
hairyknees
June 5, 2015 at 10:44
Hahahahaha xD The time Darryn was semi-Spider-Man xD
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:47
I just had a banana. This is really not helping.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:50
Did you eat it nice and all slow-like, boy?
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:51
I don’t eat boy. I’m not a cannibal.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:51
Refresh, I edited the comment, thought you were going to interpret it that way.
Was going for creepy redneck, not creepy cannibal
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
I read it that way. Don’t worry, I get you boy. I get you real good…
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
Hehehe, xD
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:57
Don’t care about your edits. I don’t refresh! TOO LATE 😀
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:51
While looking Umar square in the eyes…
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:51
O_O
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:55
0_O
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:58
o_O …. O_O …. O_o
…
…
…
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/tghtn.gif
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:57
One does not simply look Umar square in the eyes.
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:54
Well doesn’t Venom spit toxic stuff? Darryn has the upper hand here!
oVg
June 5, 2015 at 10:41
Just that booger in his left nostril would make Mayweather read a book.
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:41
Trust you to spot that.
kuuu(UMAR)rrrr
June 5, 2015 at 10:44
Lol That’s a booger of champs!
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:55
GAH!
Aries
June 5, 2015 at 10:41
They had to have Vegeta in MKX so the D can go ….. when he wins
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:43
In Darryn we trust, wait, why are they fighting again?
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:46
Can I have another Fallout 4 article?
K, thanx, bye.
Stosta
June 5, 2015 at 10:47
I think the sun shines out “The D’s” ass, but I’m kinda hoping he loses just so I can see what rubbish he spews after to justify it.
Gareth Runnalls
June 5, 2015 at 10:48
I am behind TEAM D 100%. I just hope he has been practicing. When he was in Cape Town for FCBD, we had a bit of a face off… I was somewhat… underwhelmed, but there was great GREAT potential. Finish him with a Brutality bro! That… was actually an order! #TeamD
Gareth Runnalls
June 5, 2015 at 10:50
Also, Leo went full retard in that movie, and that basically makes him Ben Stiller.
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:50
There’s more chance of Darryn pulling a fatality like this than winning… http://i.imgur.com/hUJHBzb.gif
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:51
Thanks, now Admiral is going to post D in the bathing suit again. 🙁
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
Thanks for the reminder
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
DAMMIT!
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
Dammit! I should have thought of that!
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:53
What like this?
http://cbsmancave.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/orchid-fatal-instinct.jpg?w=642
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 10:55
HAHA!
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
^This guy!
(refresh)
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:52
I hate your soul.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:53
Can I send you the catalogue?
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 10:55
Sure, You can send it to: Solar Flare 354B, the Sun.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:58
I’ll put you down for six dozen then
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 10:53
BAN!
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 10:54
Yes, I agree, ban this outfit from existence!
Pariah
June 5, 2015 at 11:07
I have only 1 question for you:
Since you always keep this on hand to post it, how often in a week do you fap to it?
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:08
*Grabs the vomit bucket.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:12
*slow clap*
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:15
Pariah
June 5, 2015 at 11:21
LOOOOL!
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:17
I bet he has a costume just like it, but pink.
Matthew Holliday
June 5, 2015 at 10:59
Whats a Darryn?
Geoffrey Tim
June 5, 2015 at 11:00
That thing below this comment.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:06
Thing indeed
Matthew Holliday
June 5, 2015 at 11:23
hi darryn
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:23
LOL!!
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:29
bwahahaha
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:02
Batman
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:02
Should’ve had a poll for us to vote who we think would win
*Snickers
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 11:02
Missed opportunity.
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:02
I like Snickers.
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:03
I hope your tests included a MRI. 😛
RinceTheElfRoot
June 5, 2015 at 11:02
Is the ‘fight’ going to be streamed?
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:03
And sponsored by ghost chilies.
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:17
lol ‘fight’
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:03
I say we vote that if Darryn loses – he needs to eat another ghost chili.
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:03
Seconded
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:06
^this
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:07
Aye, HAD to be featured
Hammersteyn
June 5, 2015 at 11:17
But we need to spice up the ghost chili challenge. Pun intended.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:19
Well there is a new top hot chilli. I saw we, and by we, I mean him, put it to the test!
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:22
I call dibbs on his collectables.
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:07
[FEATURE’s this golden comment]
Tbone187
June 5, 2015 at 11:16
Change the game to Dragon Ball Z and he could stand a chance I reckon.
Valenlord
June 5, 2015 at 11:24
They can take our time, they can take our internet, they can even take my cookies and cream! But they cannot take the D… #Darryncreamsomebeardedass
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:25
O_o
*Backs away slowly
Captain JJ the_scarrrr
June 5, 2015 at 11:25
I’m not sure how this makes me feel.
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:27
Warm and fuzzy?
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:28
I’m slowly reaching my internet saturation level for the week…
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:29
*Takes notes for implementation next week
Valenlord
June 5, 2015 at 11:30
It should motivate you… Or the D for that matter…
MJ DB
June 5, 2015 at 11:29
Hmmm Record and upload video for us “unfortunate” Cape Town Folk…
Geoffrey Tim
June 5, 2015 at 11:31
It’ll be streamed by NavTV, but we’ll be recording stuff too. 🙂
Lord Chaos
June 5, 2015 at 11:31
“stuff”? So everything but the match?
Geoffrey Tim
June 5, 2015 at 11:32
yeah, pretty much
Admiral Chief's Adventure
June 5, 2015 at 11:34
CANNOT WAIT FOR TEH LULZ!
MJ DB
June 5, 2015 at 11:40
Awesome!
Blood Emperor Trevor
June 5, 2015 at 11:48
You forget Geoff, they’re playing MK which means it comes down to button mashing. D has a 50% chance. With all his training, maybe even 51%. #TeamD
schitsophrenic-toothbrush
June 5, 2015 at 11:57
An extreme game of Connect 4 would be cool too…
Earagand
June 5, 2015 at 14:18
< col Hiiiiiii Friends…——–.???? ? @mi12//++lazygamer++ < Find More='' ……..''
???????????????????????????????????????????????????j
Trebzz
June 5, 2015 at 14:19
Winner kisses the girl right? If that is on my money will change to Darryn
jennifer
June 6, 2015 at 03:46
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