Ali vs. Fraser? Don’t care. Sugar Ray vs. Hitman Hearns? Yawn. Ward vs. Gatti? Snore. Mayweather vs Pacquiao? Old hat. The real fight of the century happens tomorrow. It’s not in Las Vegas, or some sort of rumble in the Jungle – it happens right here in Johannesburg, tomorrow afternoon. I am, of course, talking about the epic Mortal Kombat matchup between our own Darryn Bonthuys, and that diminutive bearded twat from SA Gamer, Dave Kozsomethingorother.
For the affections of a lady, Darryn and Dave will go head to head in the best worst Mortal Kombat game ever, at the finals of the local leg of the Mortal Kombat cup.
Here’s the thing. I love Darryn like a brother (a relationship similar to the one betwixt Johnny Depp and Leo “No Oscar” Di Caprio in “What’s eating Gilbert Grape?”), but I don’t really favour his chances. As much hate as I harbour for Dave, his piddly beard, goofy grin and his head full of custard, I know that Darryn is bad at games. Like, really, really bad.
I don’t know for sure, but I’ve heard tales that Dave isn’t completely rubbish at games. While I would love for Darryn to win, save face, get the girl’s hand and win this on behalf of Lazygamer, I’m just not quite as bullish as Darryn is.
“Greetings and fistifications fight fans. I, THE D, am ready. Ready to rock your world on Saturday. It may be cold right now, but the heat is on.
And when I’m done with this so-called “Dave”, Johannesburg will be nothing but a smoking crater of Tapout T-shirts and road rage. I’m going to level the Dave so bad at the Mortal Kombat X finals, that his face will look like a sequel to Mad Max: Fury Road.
No more holding back. No more playing nice. This isn’t a fight. It’s an execution. And I am the thumb of righteous fury that points down to his demise! SO JUST BRING IT THE DAVE!”
Okay then. You tell us. What do you think? Is Darryn going to win this thing, or is he going to embarrass the lot of us?
Last Updated: June 5, 2015