If gaming company slogans were true

2 min read
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Every company out there of a reasonable size has a slogan that they have carefully crafted that gives you an insight into who they are, what they are striving for and which is generally absolute horseshit.

I’ve sat in many meetings where these slogans have been created and it really is just a bunch of people sitting around with maybe one person who cares coming up with something that says everything and means nothing all at the same time. For instance Microsoft has used a few tag lines from “Where do you want to go today?” which means what exactly? To “Be what’s next.”… seriously which moronic group of people thought that Be What’s Next meant anything?

Anyway enough whining about corporate garbage, someone (I can’t find the original source) has decided to give all the gaming companies realistic slogans.

Microsoft – We. Control. Everything

Activision – As much money as possible for as little effort as possible

activision

Apple – It doesn’t matter what we do you’ll buy it anyway

apple

Shut up my iPhone 6 is on it’s way now, I have no buyers remorse… I don’t I tell you.

EA – Because f*&k developers, f*&k customers, and f&*k you.

ea

tsk this is a family site.

Mojang – You like Minecraft a lot more than we do

mojang

Quite the accurate slogan seeing as they just sold it and walked away.

Nintendo – Same Games More Money

nintendo

You can’t spell MILKING IT without Mario

Rockstar – F&*k You

rockstar

Probably the only one I don’t actually agree with…

Sony – We’re… kinda screwed

sony

Yeah relying on a brand name and jacking up electronic prices didn’t quite work out as planned did it?

Square Enix – You play our games the way we want you to

squareenix

No you’re playing it wrong you stupid boy.

Ubisoft – One step forward, eight steps back

ubisoft

Looking at the reviews of Unity maybe that should be 16 steps back?

Valve – We used to make games, now we make money

valve

All hail lord Gabe

Last Updated: November 13, 2014

Gavin Mannion

I for one welcome our future robotic overlords