Home Gaming One of 2014’s worst games is getting surprise DLC…for free!

One of 2014’s worst games is getting surprise DLC…for free!

2 min read
116

Rambo

Released in 2014, the Rambo videogame was terrible. Absolutely, shockingly terrible; an affront to action games, a slap in the face to fans of the homicidal red-banded soldier and a critical and commercial failure. We didn’t review it, because nobody on staff is paid enough to sit through that sort of thing.

Here’s what some of the people who did review it had to say:

IGN: It sounds trite but I cannot stress enough how much more fun I had watching the first three Rambo films back to back in preparation for this review. They’re much cheaper and more entertaining than this game, and – even at just a shade over 90 minutes each – they lasted longer.

Eurogamer: It would have been nice to report that the underdog turns out to be a unstoppable champion, but that was never realistically on the cards. So instead we get this: a cheesy, silly, mindless romp in which hordes of identical bad guys get turned to sticky red paste under the furious gaze of your twitching gun barrel. It’s certainly not a good game, but it is a game with zero irony. It’s not being corny and schlocky on purpose, which means that for all its faults Rambo honestly taps into the spirit of 1980s action cinema more deeply than you might expect – not in spite of its rough edges, but because of them.

Meristation: Rambo: The Videogame is one of the worst games that we’ve ever played. Poor and simple mechanics, a total disaster in terms of graphics and another wasted movie license.

The Escapist: So this is Rambo: The Video Game. Ugly as sin, flimsy beyond belief, and chock full of some of the worst barely-interactive gameplay you’ll “enjoy” so far this year. Watch Hot Shots: Part Deux. Like this game, it makes an absolute mockery of the Rambo films, but it’s at least trying to be funny on purpose.

For some reason, the game is getting some DLC today. Yes, a two year old game that nobody should own is getting some DLC. Mercifully, it’ll be released for free.

Called Baker Team, this DLC was supposed to have been released over a year ago, but was held up by…reasons. It’s finally been approved, and is coming to the Ps3 and Steam versions of the game today.

Here’s what’s new:

  • 3 NEW MISSIONS – Rambo leads Baker Team on a covert mission deep into Viet Cong territory.
  • UPGRADE YOUR RAMBO TO LEVEL 25 – Unlock all skill points and create the ultimate Rambo.
  • NEW DIFFICULTY SETTING: JOHN RAMBO – If Green Beret wasn’t challenging enough, put your skills to the ultimate test in John Rambo mode. Your reward will be a score multiplier of x 1.5.
  • NEW WEAPONS – Five new weapons to get your Rambo hands on. Including the CAR15, MP44, SPAS12, XM79, and PPSH41. Weapons are unlocked via five new “Trautman Challenges.”
  • NEW PERKS – Five new perks to experiment with! Use them to help get you through the toughest levels or create new builds to boost your scores and aim for those 3-star mission rankings.
  • 8 NEW TROPHIES & ACHIEVEMENTS

Well, okay then.

 

Last Updated: April 19, 2016

116 Comments

  1. Greylingad[CNFRMD]

    April 19, 2016 at 09:10

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NO.

    Reply

  2. Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

    April 19, 2016 at 09:14

    How do we know it’s bad? Has Matty played it?

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 19, 2016 at 09:17

      ^This is the most important question of the day

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

        April 19, 2016 at 09:52

        LOL I see it’s featured

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief in New York

          April 19, 2016 at 09:54

          You are welcome 😀

          Reply

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:54

            It’s better that I don’t do it, because I’d feature all the comments

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:56

            Hahaha, with great power…

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:56

            Comes great power bills

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:57

            Hah, I’m off the grid

    • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

      April 19, 2016 at 09:25

      I could save him the trouble……

      but won’t….

      Reply

      • Captain JJ vs ..............

        April 19, 2016 at 09:28

        I won’t even spent money buying this for him, and I buy all kinds of crap for other people 😛

        Reply

        • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

          April 19, 2016 at 09:48

          I was kicking myself for months afterwards, the best part is that I got it second hand, AND I WAS STILL UPSET ABOUT IT!!

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:48

            Shame dude

          • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

            April 19, 2016 at 09:50

            This game was horrible, really, even the sound effects were, literally, pried from something resembling a VHS tape that must’ve been lying in one of the devs’ drawers for years on end…

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:49

            Damn man.

    • Loftus

      April 19, 2016 at 09:37

      If Matt streamed it, how many people would watch ? From start to finish.

      Reply

      • Captain JJ vs ..............

        April 19, 2016 at 09:37

        I wouldn’t. (Sorry Matt)

        Reply

      • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

        April 19, 2016 at 09:39

        I would, just to see the misery on his face

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief in New York

          April 19, 2016 at 09:39

          xD

          Misery loves company…

          Reply

      • Admiral Chief in New York

        April 19, 2016 at 09:39

        I’ll put the stream on, and go have a braai

        Reply

    • hairyknees

      April 19, 2016 at 09:40

      HAMMER DON’T GO GIVING PEOPLE IDEAS NOW! :'(

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief in New York

        April 19, 2016 at 09:41

        Too late

        Reply

      • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

        April 19, 2016 at 09:42

        The most resilient parasite is an idea planted in the unconscious mind, I prefer using a sledgehammer 😛

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief in New York

          April 19, 2016 at 09:43

          I second this motion

          Reply

  3. HairyEwok

    April 19, 2016 at 09:14

    Sooooo….

    Reply

    • Geoffrey Tim

      April 19, 2016 at 09:15

      That’s the nicest damned Ram Bow I’ve ever seen.

      Reply

      • HairyEwok

        April 19, 2016 at 09:32

        Thanks, I tried to get it as close to the quality of the game as possible.

        Reply

        • Captain JJ vs ..............

          April 19, 2016 at 09:37

          Since it looks like that bow is going to fall apart the moment you pull on the string, it seems about spot on.

          Reply

    • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

      April 19, 2016 at 09:15

      It is lovely weazer we are havink?

      Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 19, 2016 at 09:16

      Does it fire flash drives?

      Reply

      • justlikemo

        April 19, 2016 at 09:20

        not there yet, maybe sas drives

        Reply

    • Ottokie

      April 19, 2016 at 09:17

  4. Captain JJ vs ..............

    April 19, 2016 at 09:17

    I had honestly forgotten that this exists.

    Reply

  5. Captain JJ vs ..............

    April 19, 2016 at 09:18

    Of all the great things that came from 2014, this really was one of the sour ones. Possibly the most sour.

    Reply

    • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

      April 19, 2016 at 09:20

      No, this wasn’t sour, this was the acidic spit from a Xenomorph trickling down the spine of every single gamer that is worth their salt, it was the epitaph of what the word “cashgrab” defines, the culmination of the worst types of monsters leading a license driven franchise…

      Reply

      • Captain JJ vs ..............

        April 19, 2016 at 09:20

        Or that. Yes 😀

        Reply

        • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

          April 19, 2016 at 09:24

          XD

          Reply

      • Ottokie

        April 19, 2016 at 09:21

        Wow… Bravo!

        We have our best review yet xD

        Reply

        • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

          April 19, 2016 at 09:23

          I could go on, but I’m afraid I might scar a few people and that would be wrong…

          Reply

  6. Ottokie

    April 19, 2016 at 09:18

    So has anyone here played it?

    Reply

    • Captain JJ vs ..............

      April 19, 2016 at 09:21

      I ate dirt once when I was a kid. Does that count?

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

      April 19, 2016 at 09:24

      See my suggestion

      Reply

      • Ottokie

        April 19, 2016 at 09:25

        I don’t even have to go looking. Matty probably needs to play it xD

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

          April 19, 2016 at 09:27

          XD

          Reply

  7. Ottokie

    April 19, 2016 at 09:25

    • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

      April 19, 2016 at 09:26

      Still better…

      Reply

    • Captain JJ vs ..............

      April 19, 2016 at 09:28

      PHYSICS!

      Reply

      • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

        April 19, 2016 at 09:32

        Biology – Working for a dictator is very stressful work. The hours are extremely long. the threat of being executed along with your family very real, the pay is practically peanuts and the soldiers probably don’t even like said dictator. Now they need to defend their land against the mighty American soldier and just the sight of him throwing bullets probably caused most of them to either have a stroke or pass out from a stress related illness

        Reply

        • Captain JJ vs ..............

          April 19, 2016 at 09:36

          The threat is real. American soldiers really can do this. XD

          Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 19, 2016 at 09:30

      Love this movie

      Reply

      • Pariah

        April 19, 2016 at 09:32

        Should’ve known…

        Reply

        • Admiral Chief in New York

          April 19, 2016 at 09:34

          One of my favourite spoofs (heh, spooooof)

          Also, that one chick is hotter than the surface of the sun! Most of my younger daydreams were about her

          Reply

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:36

            My favorite spoof was the original Hot Shots. Top Gun FTW!

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:38

            Best part was this
            http://i.imgur.com/Uq43HIH.gif

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:39

            xD

            I was looking for a gif where the jet rolls and all the coins and trash falls around in the cockpit 😛

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:40

            xD

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:40

            Also they keep sitting on the little dog

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:42

            Now I want to watch the movies again. So this week alone the backlog is: Naked gun, Police Academy, Hot shots and Kong pow

          • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

            April 19, 2016 at 09:44

            Oh man… just make sure you step outside every now and then to avoid RSI on your stomach muscles!

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:45

            Might have to throw shaun of the dead in there as well

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:45

            Best Zombie movie ever!

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:46

            Cornetto!

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:46

            You got red on you

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:48

            Have you seen The World’s End?

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:50

            Yeah, not as good as Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead but still enjoyable. But you can’t watch that movie without a six pack in the fridge. I want to attempt the golden mile dammit

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:50

            As do I.

            Hot Fuzz is my top!

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:50

            Yea. Hot Fuzz was excellent.

          • Greylingad[CNFRMD]

            April 19, 2016 at 09:46

            I take no responsibility in your death, even if it means by laughter!

      • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

        April 19, 2016 at 09:32

        I left you on Wall Street

        Reply

    • HairyEwok

      April 19, 2016 at 09:34

      Was this before or during Charlie Sheen believing he has tiger blood within him?

      Reply

      • Admiral Chief in New York

        April 19, 2016 at 09:35

        LOOOOOOOOOOONG before, back when he was cool

        Reply

        • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

          April 19, 2016 at 09:36

          He made Two and a Half men on of the funniest shows on TV.

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:41

            It was ok, but not nearly “one of the funniest”
            (corrected your spelling sommer)

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:43

            Thanks for the AID
            (Too soon?)

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:44

            Yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh

          • miaau

            April 19, 2016 at 12:26

            Beg to differ. Any top five comedies of the last few years, I think, would include 2 and a half men.

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:43

            I only liked him back in the old days. His new stuff I didn’t find funny.

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:44

            I enjoyed the way he tormented Alan and Jake. Those three had chemistry

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:46

            True

    • hairyknees

      April 19, 2016 at 09:39

      Best movie 😀

      Reply

      • miaau

        April 19, 2016 at 12:25

        Highest kill count, certainly

        Reply

  8. hairyknees

    April 19, 2016 at 09:41

    Rambo? More like RambNO AMIRITE?

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 19, 2016 at 09:41

      Your review is due by Monday

      Reply

      • Captain JJ vs ..............

        April 19, 2016 at 09:45

        ^ Don’t listen to Admiral. He’s not really anyone’s boss 😛

        Reply

        • Loftus

          April 19, 2016 at 09:46

          For realz? then why do we fear him ?

          Reply

        • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

          April 19, 2016 at 09:46

          We’re not supposed to say it, ignorance is bliss

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:46

            Yes, don’t say it, know it

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:49

            XD

        • Admiral Chief in New York

          April 19, 2016 at 09:47

          (refresh)

          Time for a meme to be born

          Reply

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:49

            Damn it. I hate refreshing.

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:49

            I refreshed…there was nothing xD

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:49

            Well, that’s a relief.

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:51

            And now all the comments are in order and I don’t know where all my conversations are anymore xD

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:52

            LOL soz

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:51

            …yet

            I have something, that will break the internet

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:51

            He does.
            But I can break his heart. 😉

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:52

            Nothing you do can break this heart of mine

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:52

            Heartless bastard! 😀

          • Ottokie

            April 19, 2016 at 09:55

            I am starting to worry about the amount of photo’s you have of JJ on your PC.

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 09:56

            …not as much as HE does

            😀

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:50

            Same here, sometimes all my upvotes disappears

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 09:51

            Then life just isn’t worth living anymore 😛

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            April 19, 2016 at 09:59

            Oh, we know.

          • Admiral Chief in New York

            April 19, 2016 at 10:03

            Lol

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 19, 2016 at 10:09

            Just because I don’t freshen up for you doesn’t mean I never do it

          • Alien Emperor Trevor

            April 19, 2016 at 10:25

            That’s exactly what it means, unless you somehow think other people count.

          • miaau

            April 19, 2016 at 12:24

            tea is good for you. Earl Grey can be very refreshing. Try that, perhaps?

          • Captain JJ vs ..............

            April 20, 2016 at 11:03

            XD

          • Hammersteyn_hates_Raid0

            April 19, 2016 at 09:53

            I did, there’s nothing

  9. Loftus

    April 19, 2016 at 09:48

    The sad part of this game is that the most attention will get is from this forum. I bet the number of comments outweigh the number of people that will download this dlc.

    Reply

    • Admiral Chief in New York

      April 19, 2016 at 09:48

      Hahahaha

      Reply

  10. Strawman Jim

    April 19, 2016 at 11:09

    Surely this is game of the decade material?

    Reply

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