Home Gaming Soulja Boy is back with yet another dodgy-looking console

Soulja Boy is back with yet another dodgy-looking console

2 min read
39

SouljaGame handheld (3)

IT IS THE YEAR 2018! Bandits roam the land, Earth has become an inhospitable wasteland and moderately popular rap music person Soulja Boy (DeAndre Cortez Way to his best friends, yo) has begun selling his own video game consoles. Well, sort of. What Soulja Boy was actually attaching his name to, were dodgy video game consoles straight out of China’s heartland that were packed to the brim with pirated software and goods.

The SouljaGame console was pretty much piracy 101, offering around 3000 games across various platforms from the past. Basically, they were TV game machines with built-in 64-1 in carts, only like totally more of them. A knock-off in body and soul, it wasn’t long before Soulja Boy found himself having to remove the consoles from his storefront as various lawyers swooped in for the legal kill, but that hasn’t stopped the enterprising mastermind behind the Crank It song from attaching his name to another device.

Say hello, to the SouljaGame Handheld:

SouljaGame handheld (2)

If your first impressions of this device strike you as it being the end result of a one night stand between a PS Vita and knock-off LEGO, then you’re probably bang on the money. As for actual cash? An entire Benjamin (or $100) gets you a portable gaming handheld that offers a staggering 480 x 272 resolution and probably a few preloaded games. Here’s the full list of features, which no doubt has those rank amateurs at Nintendo quivering in fear at the competition that’s about to blow the Switch away:

  • Exquisite craftsmanship and fashion design with a reasonable price
  • Built in camera for photo shooting and video recording
  • Support TV output, can connect TV to play games and watch movies
  • Support PC Camera, connect the computer, can use as computer camera
  • 4.3 inch 16:9 HD screen, 480 x 272 resolution
  • Multi thread task mode, you can listen to music, while watching e-books
  • Stereo sound speakers give you different auditory experiences
  • Supports JPEG, BMP, GIF, TIF, PNG image format
  • Practical functions: calculator, calendar, stopwatch, etc
  • Set sleep shutdown time to help save energy, it is convenient to use
  • Built in high definition microphone, high quality recording and ordinary recording for you to choose

SouljaGame handheld (1)

What the SouljaGame handheld doesn’t have, is much of a shelf life as Sony’s lawyers are probably preparing a cease and desist right now. Which might make this little console a collectible device in the far future, when the history books chronicle the console wars that divided the planet and ushered in a new dark age for humanity.

Last Updated: January 15, 2019

39 Comments

  1. On a semi serious note though, why does he so badly want a console??? Is the rapping business not doing all that good?

    Reply

    • Pariah

      January 15, 2019 at 12:30

      It’s a bit of a stretch calling him a rapper tbh. He’s more like a hip-pop star.

      Reply

      • MaSeKind

        January 15, 2019 at 12:30

        Oh okay. Well I typed his name into Google because I didn’t know who he was and it came up with “American Rapper” ¯_(ツ)_/¯

        Reply

        • Pariah

          January 15, 2019 at 12:35

          They use that term far too freely lol. Listen to Tech N9ne for some actual rap. 😉

          Reply

          • MaSeKind

            January 15, 2019 at 12:40

            That is some good rap!

          • HvR

            January 15, 2019 at 12:56

            Clearly the term entrepreneur as well.

            So here it goes, the HVRDefenseStick.

            $75

            Can be used as self defense weapon or beat some sense into dumbass, also perfect tool to make butternut mash.

            https://sc01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1ztHuaoLrK1Rjy0Fjq6zYXFXaM/FAAK-42cm-super-huge-dildo-and-sex.jpg

            *adds entrepreneur to his linkedin profile*

          • Pariah

            January 15, 2019 at 12:56

          • Lu

            January 15, 2019 at 13:01

            You need to Changlish your description a bit though.

            Features:
            – Many vein to grip better hold.
            – Highest quality TPU material. No wear when beating butternut.
            – Many color choose from.
            – Multi process capability. Beat butternut while watching e-book.

          • Admiral Chief

            January 15, 2019 at 13:07

            “No wear when beating butternut”
            HAH

    • The D

      January 15, 2019 at 12:30

      Easy money probably. The mark-up on these is about triple their cost, and he has a fanbase that will buy them.

      Reply

      • HvR

        January 15, 2019 at 12:40

        His fans need to fooking stupid then, like 2 steps on the spectrum above an expired butternut

        Reply

        • Pariah

          January 15, 2019 at 12:40

          XD XD XD

          “Expired butternut”. Too fucking good. LOL

          Reply

        • BradeLunner

          January 15, 2019 at 13:11

          Ahh the butternut blues

          Reply

        • MaSeKind

          January 15, 2019 at 12:45

          I’m still trying to figure out why an unexpired butternut is more intelligent than an expired one

          Reply

          • Admiral Chief

            January 15, 2019 at 12:56

            Probably has to do with the ferment to IQ ratio

      • Admiral Chief

        January 15, 2019 at 12:56

        You just described the Apple business model

        Reply

  2. Pariah

    January 15, 2019 at 12:24

    “while watching e-books”

    Sure, I’ll just eat my water and drink my steak while doing so.

    Reply

    • BradeLunner

      January 15, 2019 at 13:07

      You read the list!!

      Reply

      • Pariah

        January 15, 2019 at 13:11

        Reading is a hobby of mine

        Reply

    • MaSeKind

      January 15, 2019 at 12:30

      He probably just likes watching the colorful pictures. He’s a rapper so not sure he’s able to read ;P

      Reply

  3. HvR

    January 15, 2019 at 12:35

  4. Admiral Chief

    January 15, 2019 at 12:56

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN

    What a muppet

    Reply

  5. HavokZA

    January 15, 2019 at 21:46

    Read the specs. I’ll buy it just to watch an e-book… Reading is sooo last century.

    Reply

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