There is nothing wrong with a bit of vanity. It’s not a sin to be proud of yourself, to be your own biggest fan and to expect yourself to reach a certain level of personal success. After all, that’s what drives us! That urge to be better, to do better and to have more! In moderation, the so-called seven deadly sins (not the bad anime) are actually seven great motivators for life. At least that’s what I believe, and nothing says vanity better than having your very own Hollywood movie where the leading man flavour of the month takes a crack at telling your story.
Unless I suddenly get pulled into a real-life Mr Deeds scenario, chances are that I probably won’t get that biopic treatment. Until my Kickstarter picks up some steam, I’m content to sit back and wonder just who would play me and the rest of the Critical Hit gang in our own big blockbuster flick. I’ve done a reconnaissance around the office, and the gang has already come up with some great nominations for who they’d choose to play them on the silver screen.
Eva Green would be a natural for Noelle since they already look like twin sisters, Craig says he’d grab Gary Oldman because that master can play anyone and we’d probably hire the dude from the old Godzilla Toho movies to don a rubber Kervyn suit and stomp around miniature cities. In more uncanny casting, Geoff reckons Kenneth Choi could do a good job portraying his exciting life of criticising people’s food choices while Tracy thinks Sophia Lillis would do a great job as her provided she’s able to replicate her ability to be a physics victim.
Brad is a dead ringer for Ed Sheeran as they both resemble scruffy nerf herders, while Sam pretty much looks like a Time Lord so I’d say Matt Smith could do the job well. As for me? There’s only one choice: Bobcat Goldthwaite circa the 1980s when he popped up in Police Academy 2 and 3. Either him or Charlie Day, who has the right combination of not being tall and distinctive vocals to imitate me in real life.
Who would you choose to play you though? If money, time and space were no option, which actor in their prime would you grab and shove a script into their hands for your epic life story? Tell us below, detail the film project and maybe even make a few suggestions for everyone else. As for me, I’m going to see if I can wiggle a way out of Raul Julia contract that prevents anyone from using necromancy to resurrect him. That’s who I’d really love to see play me. ACTING!
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.
Last Updated: March 20, 2020