Home Opinion Midweek Mouth-off: Kill it with fire!

Midweek Mouth-off: Kill it with fire!

39 second read

Today it’s your chance to be a time-travelling hero. If you could go back and stop the making of a single massive movie disappointment, which would it be?

Lock away M. Night Shyamalan before he could botch the Last Airbender movie? Eradicate Terminator Salvation from the world’s memory? Punch Ridley Scott in the mouth before he could talk up Prometheus? Prevent Steven Spielberg and George Lucas from ever expanding on their original trilogies?

And if you could, how would you fix these cinematic disasters?

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.

Last Updated: July 11, 2012


  1. Tracy Benson

    July 11, 2012 at 10:30

    You hit the nail on the head with The Last Airbender, I’d get M. Night just after Unbreakable, before he really started the downhill slide into awfulness. 


    • Kervyn Cloete

      July 11, 2012 at 11:03

      I refuse to watched The Last Airbender. I love my memories of that show far too much.


      • James Francis

        July 11, 2012 at 12:03

        You also refuse to acknowledge tenses 🙂

        I’ve yet to see the movie, but I want to. I am quite prepared for its awfulness.


        • Tracy Benson

          July 11, 2012 at 12:10

          I would not recommend that, guaranteed it’s far, far worse than anything you could have imagined. You will not be prepared for it, you can’t be. 


          • James Francis

            July 11, 2012 at 13:08

            Maybe. But maybe it will just make me love the animated series even more 🙂 At least I’ll go in knowing it’s a total abortion. 

          • Tracy Benson

            July 11, 2012 at 13:36

            My original analogy was: Imagine AtLA as this adorable little girl, with blonde hair in ringlets and big blue eyes, clutching a teddy bear, with kittens and puppies gamboling around her. The Last Airbender is a slow motion, frame-by-frame render of what happens to that scene when a nuclear warhead is detonated near enough for her to be caught in the blast radius, but not instant death, so you have to watch as slowly, everything you found beautiful and heartwarming about that scene is melted and flayed away, piece by piece, until only utter desolation remains.  

            That’s how much I hated that movie. 

          • James Francis

            April 30, 2013 at 08:41

            Finally got to see it… and it wasn’t as bad as people said. DOA, DBZ and Blood were much, much, much (much) worse adaptations. I’d actually like to see a second Airbender movie.

        • Darryn_Bonthuys

          July 11, 2012 at 18:48

          Want to know how bad The Last Airbender is? Let me put it this way, you’ll NEVER see that film pop up in one of my Guilty Pleasure features, and I love bad movies as it is.

          The Last Airbender pulled an Agni Kai on that franchise and burned it bad.


          • James Francis

            July 12, 2012 at 05:35

            Hmm, that’s quite an indictment… but some of your Guilty Pleasures were actually pretty good…

            Could it be that much worse than the DBZ movie?

          • Major Commodore 64 Darryn B

            April 29, 2013 at 13:39

            Did you enjoy the Last Airbender catoon? Because the film version is the equivalent of someone running over the best parts of that series with a tank. Repeatedly.

          • James Francis

            April 30, 2013 at 08:40

            I actually love the cartoon series, including the new Kora chapter. But I finally got to watch the film and… I think its awfulness is overstated.

  2. Christo Kruger

    July 11, 2012 at 11:12

    I would stop Joe Johnson making Jurassic Park 3 and souring my favorite trilogy. Screw that guy.


    • Kervyn Cloete

      July 11, 2012 at 11:26

      Hey, I kinda like 3. Well, except for Tea Leoni’s shouty, hysterical character who I just want to punch in the face every single time she puts them in danger unnecessarily with all her random shouting.

      We get it. You’re a concerned mother. But you won’t be much help to you son if you’re busy being digested by a Spinosaurus.


  3. Kervyn Cloete

    July 11, 2012 at 11:22

    Max Payne. Seriously, was there anybody who looked at that train wreck and thought it was a good idea?


  4. theLastBorn

    July 11, 2012 at 11:30

    I cannot think of a more disappointing film than “The Last
    Airbender”…. almost any alteration to that film would be better I

    Other nominees and the reasons they disappointed for me are
    Spider-man 3
    (Lame heroes/villains. read: silly venom)
    THAT “dare-I-say-it” Indy
    film (money
    making scheme… should have stayed with the original trilogy),
    was really fun for about 2/3rds of the film until that really odd twist
    that just failed…)
    Max Payne (another video game film that was
    terrible, they should get actual gamers or the original developers to
    make game films)
    the list goes on…


  5. James Francis

    July 11, 2012 at 12:09

    I wouldn’t stop Scott from making Prometheus. It wasn’t great, but apart from the thin character plots and the totally unnecessary clip at the very end, it wasn’t that bad. Like Event Horizon its biggest crime was navel-gazing.

    Robocop 3 is a candidate, but I can let that slide. AVP is a sure contender and so is Judge Dredd. 

    But I’d stop X-Men. The movie wasn’t bad, but it started this trend of soap-opera comic book movies that, along with Transformers, has all but destroyed the concept of an intelligent blockbuster that does something other than pander to geeky fans. By now those films have started to dictate canon.

    If any of you thought First Class was good, you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. You also probably still stain you Optimus Prime bedsheets.


    • Tracy Benson

      July 11, 2012 at 13:31

      No I didn’t like First Class at all, I’m so glad someone else is in the same boat! I thought it was so far removed from everything I knew about the X-Men universe, but no one else agreed with me so I thought I was going crazy. 


      • Kervyn Cloete

        July 11, 2012 at 13:44

        You’re both crazy. Clearly. 


        • James Francis

          July 11, 2012 at 13:56

          I couldn’t handle twenty minutes of it and I tried to watch it twice.


        • Tracy Benson

          July 11, 2012 at 14:01

          Well you’re crazy, so there. (I have no better comeback, I’m sorry)


    • Lourens Corleone

      July 11, 2012 at 13:41

      So, people who like First Class automatically like Transformers? You, sir, have no idea what you are talking about.

      Though, I am not here to debate First Class. I would stop Twilight from being made. It was the nail in the coffin for Hollywood creativity.


      • James Francis

        July 11, 2012 at 13:54

        Shit, if you honestly think that the Marvel movies are that different from Michael Bay’s rubbish – or that Twilight is the worst crime against cinema – you have clearly deluded yourself. Gain some culture: try renting something that doesn’t have an explosion on a cover.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Check Also

Netflix signs massive deal with Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Partners

Netflix has landed arguably their biggest signing yet in securing Steven Spielberg's Ambli…