There are two things in life that Jean Claude van Damme loves, and one of them is showing off his butt. The other, is playing twins, a role that he has done so many times already, that we’re starting to wonder if there might be some truth to that fiction.
But the more important question is: Which Van Damme twins would win in a fight to end all fights?
Chad and Alex Wagner (Double Impact)
You know what the best thing is about having a twin? Is that you can trust them. Lets face facts here, when you’re partnered up with an evil doppleganger, your mind will never be 100% focused on the fights ahead of you.
And when you’re dealing with a man that has the cajones big enough to not only do ballet, but to weaponise it, alongside a ruthless gangster that will beat the crap out of you, while showing off his glutes, then you know that you’re in for the fight of your life.
And lets not forget that this particular pair of Van Dammes are younger, faster and far more athletic than the Replicant Dammes, men who have battled time and have been left to nurse a massively deflated right bicep in the process.
This match was over before it even began.
Edward “The Torch” Garotte and the Replicant (Replicant)
Seriously, a goofy ballet dancer and a greaseball in silk panties? This should be a push-over. So the Wagner twins have some funny looking kicks in their repetoire. Who cares? Edward the Torch is a vicious serial killer whose favourite hobby is turning people into charcoal. That’s just how he rolls.
And you know who can stop him? That’s right, nobody. Which is why a shady government agency had to resort to making a clone from his DNA. And although they’ve had their differences in their past, faced with this rather embarrassing pair of clowns, the Garotte “brothers” will set aside all squabbles to burn these fools down.
Lame Karate moves that went out of style with Chuck Norris’ mullet? Try a couple of bullets to the face, followed by flames boiling your eyeballs in their sockets. Try roundhouse kicking your way out of that.
Last Updated: August 3, 2012