So I was brainstorming with Kervyn, and we’ve totally got an idea to grab ourselves a piece of that young adult pie and move on up to the east side. We’ve got this ditzy girl, who after a chance encounter with a talking Cape Town Gatsby sammich realizes that she happens to be descended from an ancient race of people known as the mighty masticators, guardians of the book of recipes known only as the necro-nom-nom-icon.
But soon, ditzy lady finds herself falling in love with her Gatsby guardian, but realizes that she can’t get too close due to him being so damn delicious, or she could wind up eating him. And that’s just part one of our Immeasurable Garnish trilogy! Top that, Mortal Instruments: City of Bones!
Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures.
On the surface, the film has all the usual tropes assosciated with it. Said lead female actress has no direction in life, accidentally discovers supernatural heritage, meets a fellow warrior and somehow gains an entire century of UFC skills within a montage.
I’m not certain yet if the supernatural young adult market has been completely tapped out, but with recent films such as Beautiful Creatures and The Host bombing at the box office, my hopes aren’t high for this predictable looking movie, even though it does have some magnificent visuals.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is out in August, and stars Lily Collins, Jamie Bower, Robert Sheehan, Kevin Zegers, Lena Headey, Kevin Durand, Jared Harris and Jonathan Rhys Meyers, with Harald Zwart directing.
Last Updated: April 3, 2013