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If political parties were video games

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Wednesday is Election Day in South Africa. I expect all of you to go and vote – I’d do it if I were allowed to. Damn disenfranchised foreigner! Who will you vote for? Well, we’ll help you decide with this handy comparison – find your favourite game and vote for that party. No, wait, don’t!

Realistically, we know all political parties are actually Fable – tons of big promises made, but delivery falls below expectations. Of course it’s still important to make your voice heard. So, show your support.

ANC = Final Fantasy

ANC

Much like Final Fantasy, the ANC has a long legacy. However, while its size and history ensure that it still gets tons of support, most people have no idea what’s going on anymore. For those who were a part of the party from the start, they struggle to see the flaws and how the party has changed. Unlikely to attract any new voters, but who needs to when they have such loyal fans who keep coming back for more.

DA = Dark Souls

DA

Sound and well designed, everyone around you is playing it. Of course, it has a really high learning curve and is completely unforgiving if you don’t do what you’re supposed to. You know you should enjoy it, but you’re not quite sure if you do. That said, if you push through your initial reluctance, you might great triumph – or so you’ve been told.

IFP = Sonic

sahnik

Huge back in the day, they have fizzled into relative obscurity. When they do get attention, it’s not the way they used to. Sonic seems to have lost any Goodwill people had towards the franchise.

COPE = Duke Nukem Forever

COPE

Announced with great expectations, we all waited to see what they could do. Years later, all we’re left with is disappointment. Seems we’re all out of bubblegum.

Agang SA = Indie Hipster Twaddle

FEZ Agang

Occasionally making news for being "different" or "unique" or showing great potential, their expectations are low for this election. Perhaps they need to get picked up by a larger platform to show off their true potential. PS, expect some new VITAlity coming soon.

EFF = Kingdom Hearts

Kingdom EFF

Has everything required to be a great party, if only it wasn’t filled with cartoon characters. People may say you’re Goofy to like them, but perhaps you’re focusing on their core offering.

ACDP = Devil May Cry

ACDP

Plenty of great ideas and solid policies. Unfortunately, it’s completely overshadowed by being way too religious.

FF = Dota 2

Dota VF

Those in it think it’s the best, while everyone from the outside just stares with disbelief. Filled with farmers looking to get ahead as they strive for the Ultimate BKB.

UDM = Words with Friends

Words with friends

Having lost half their IPO value, at least they’re really big and social, right? Maybe you want to like them on Facebook? Oh please, that’s so 2009.

The National Party = Star Wars 1313

NP

Cancelled.

Last Updated: May 6, 2014

50 Comments

  1. hairyknees

    May 6, 2014 at 15:05

    Hahahaha cool article xD looks like I’m voting for Dota 2! I mean FF!

    Reply

  2. Bob the Zealot

    May 6, 2014 at 15:07

    JZ is Cloud?! That explains why his memories of Nkandla are so messed up. Who knew?

    Reply

    • Umar Returns

      May 6, 2014 at 16:30

      OOOOOOOOH LOVE THIS!!

      Reply

    • Sir Rants A Lot Llew. Jelly!!!

      May 6, 2014 at 18:08

      BOOM

      Reply

  3. Hammersteyn

    May 6, 2014 at 15:08

    HAHAHAHA the National Party!!!

    Reply

  4. Alien Emperor Trevor

    May 6, 2014 at 15:08

    If they’re all like Fable then thank god OVG hasn’t formed his own political party, or else we’d all be married to him.

    Reply

    • VampyreSquirrel

      May 6, 2014 at 15:11

      Lol… nah we wouldn’t… we’d be following whoever makes the “Skyrim” of political parties.

      Reply

      • Jedi JJ

        May 6, 2014 at 15:13

        I definitely would be.

        Reply

    • Wincethis

      May 6, 2014 at 15:15

      HAHAHAH!

      Reply

  5. VampyreSquirrel

    May 6, 2014 at 15:12

    I’m gonna have an issue tomorrow… won’t be able to look at the ballot in the same way.

    Reply

    • Jedi JJ

      May 6, 2014 at 15:12

      Haha. Same here.

      Reply

    • Hammersteyn

      May 6, 2014 at 15:13

      I might even vote for them all.

      Reply

  6. Jedi JJ

    May 6, 2014 at 15:12

    Shouldn’t the VF be like the pc release of Diablo III?

    Reply

  7. Alien Emperor Trevor

    May 6, 2014 at 15:12

    This has made me lol so much.

    Reply

  8. NiteFenix

    May 6, 2014 at 15:14

    Your UDM picture is not done being edited. Those O’s and D’s and R’s. *twitches uncontrollably*

    Reply

    • Anon A Mouse

      May 6, 2014 at 15:15

      You’ve missed the A.

      Reply

      • NiteFenix

        May 6, 2014 at 15:17

        I twitched so much I missed the A. OMG!

        Reply

  9. Alien Emperor Trevor

    May 6, 2014 at 15:15

    I just spotted the Goodwill pun. EXCELLENT!

    Reply

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      May 6, 2014 at 15:15

      you have no idea how proud i am of that one πŸ™‚

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        May 6, 2014 at 15:22

        I won’t make fun of anything Apple related for the rest of the week.

        Reply

  10. Acornbread

    May 6, 2014 at 15:16

    XD

    Reply

  11. Kervyn Cloete

    May 6, 2014 at 15:16

    Brilliant article!

    Reply

    • Wincethis

      May 6, 2014 at 15:17

      I am still giggling like a beiber fan,…

      Reply

      • Alien Emperor Trevor

        May 6, 2014 at 15:18

        but you’re always giggling… WAIT A MINUTE!

        Reply

        • Wincethis

          May 6, 2014 at 15:19

          0-o

          Reply

      • Jedi JJ

        May 6, 2014 at 15:18

        So like your usual self then?

        Reply

        • Wincethis

          May 6, 2014 at 15:19

          Oi!

          Reply

        • Admiral Chief in Space

          May 6, 2014 at 15:21

          HAHAHAHA

          Reply

      • Lardus-Resident Perve

        May 6, 2014 at 15:25

        LoL, you totally opened the door with this one! Now, get out of the closet πŸ˜›

        Reply

        • Wincethis

          May 6, 2014 at 15:27

          Pah, I am totally comfortable with my manliness πŸ˜›

          Reply

          • Jedi JJ

            May 6, 2014 at 15:31

            There’s a “man” in every relationship.

          • VampyreSquirrel

            May 6, 2014 at 15:32

            Or lack there of

          • Wincethis

            May 6, 2014 at 15:33

            Wow, that was sharp πŸ˜›

          • VampyreSquirrel

            May 6, 2014 at 15:41

            Yeah… totally

            Sorry my brain has shut down after all that rhyming O.o

          • Wincethis

            May 6, 2014 at 15:42

            Lol! Oh, was Andre’s bday yesterday.

      • Unavengedavo

        May 6, 2014 at 15:57

        Luckily for you, beiber is a little girl

        Reply

  12. Wincethis

    May 6, 2014 at 15:17

    This is one of the best articles ever!

    Reply

  13. Admiral Chief in Space

    May 6, 2014 at 15:21

    Ouchie dat 1313

    Reply

  14. Jedi JJ

    May 6, 2014 at 15:27

    FF and ANC.
    So much win.
    And I’m a Final Fantasy fan.

    Reply

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      May 6, 2014 at 15:31

      me too – been playing since FF1. i should be president by now

      Reply

      • Jedi JJ

        May 6, 2014 at 15:34

        Now there’s an idea.
        Just don’t offer Darryn the position of Minister of Health. Remember the chilli video.

        Reply

  15. FoxOneZA

    May 6, 2014 at 15:35

    Zoe is on a roll with this one.

    Reply

  16. Ryanza

    May 6, 2014 at 15:46

    The DA is more like Call of Duty – Progressive Party, Progressive Reform Party, Progressive Federal Party, Democratic Party, Democratic Alliance

    Reply

    • Brady miaau

      May 6, 2014 at 16:15

      very clever

      Reply

  17. Unavengedavo

    May 6, 2014 at 15:54

    I thought the ANC would’ve been CoD, same shit every year. Keeps taking your money and doesn’t deliver, but people still go for it regardless

    Reply

  18. HvR - THE Average GAmer

    May 6, 2014 at 16:07

    If VF+ change there slogan to “Vote for VF+ is a vote for Dota” they might win more than 1 seat.

    Reply

  19. Brady miaau

    May 6, 2014 at 16:14

    Below the belt. Unfair he cried!

    Why did you have to mention Star Wars 1313?

    Sobbing gently into my tea now, dammit.

    Reply

  20. Julius Malema

    May 6, 2014 at 16:15

    Dark souls – that’s racist
    Zuma with a blond weave – that’s racist
    EFF represented by a white character – that’s racist
    black devil may cry – that’s racist

    Reply

  21. Ultimo_Cleric N7

    May 6, 2014 at 16:22

    Amazing Zoe

    Reply

  22. CYKABLYAT

    May 7, 2014 at 03:47

    GGFF

    Reply

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