Nicholas Sparks is back, with a trailer for Safe Haven!

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Fat people rejoice! You don’t need to do any of that there fancy exercise, sweating and getting funky smells in your pants as a result of strenuous activity! No, the real secret to successful weight loss, is a steady diet of films based on Nicholas Sparks novels.

So take your fingers out of your mouth, and prepare for a rom-dram-humdrum trailer for the latest adaptation of his work, Safe Haven, instead!

You want to know how predictable a Nicholas Spark novel is? Well, I’m going to write a synopsis for it, without seeing the trailer or reading any details of the film whatsoever.

Let me know if I hit the nail on the head.

Based on the book from Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven tells the story of some lady who is looking for love. But she can’t commit or something, because she used to be a mafia enforcer.

Then she meets some guy, who like totally digs her. But they’re from two different backgrounds. Probably. But they love each other! But secrets! Dark ones! Drama! And wet kisses!

Only love can save the day!

Safe Haven stars Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough, David Lyons and Cobie Smulders, and is out next year February. Buckets not included, and film may be harmful for the lactose intolerant, due to high levels of cheese.

Last Updated: October 24, 2012

Darryn Bonthuys

Something wrong gentlemen? You come here prepared to read the words of a madman, and instead found a lunatic obsessed with comics, Batman and Raul Julia's M Bison performance in the 1994 Street Fighter movie? Fine! Keep your bio! In fact, now might be a good time to pray to it!

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