The first look at Lars Von Trier's NYMPHOMANIAC looks exactly the way you thought it would

3 min read

It’s pretty hard to outdo yourself when you’ve made a movie that has Willem Dafoe being forcefully mastu- You know what? I can’t even complete that sentence since the memory alone still makes my gentleman sausage invert itself and cower behind my bladder in fear.

The fact is that it will be pretty hard for Danish director Lars Von Trier to top the shock value of some of his past works, but he certainly appears to be giving it a go with with his next film, Nymphomaniac. 

Now we get our first look at the (maybe porn) film, and of course it’s a combination of sex and violence.

The film features a large international cast including Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgard, Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Christian Slater, Connie Nielsen, Willem Dafoe and Uma Thurman and is said to be “a wild and poetic story of a woman’s erotic journey from birth to the age of 50 as told by the main character, the self-diagnosed nymphomaniac, Joe (Gainsbourg).” She tells this story to an elderly bachelor (Skarsgard) after he finds her beaten up in an alley. I’d be assuming that it’s this scene of the crime that we’re witnessing in the first released image.

The second image though is about as different as can be as Gainsbourg looks poised to become the human equivalent of Oreo cookie cream.

And if you’re wondering just how far that particular scene is going to go, I think it’s safe to assume pretty far, as Von Trier will be releasing two different versions of the film: a softcore and hardcore version, the latter featuring full unsimulated sex scenes. Yes, you may get to see Shia’s LeBeouf. Again.

The film will not be debuting at Cannes (where 9 of Von Trier’s films have opened, one – Dancer in the Dark – winning the Palme d’Or in 2000), but not because of Von Trier being declared “persona non grata” like he was back in 2011 after his Nazi comments during the press tour for Melancholia. No, it would seem that the film is just not up to Von Trier’s desired level yet, and he refuses to rush it. Producer and CEO of Zentropa Entertainment, Peter Aalbæk Jensen, explains:

“Four editors were working around the clock to meet the Cannes deadline, but we had to give it up – after 268 script pages, 11 weeks of shooting and with 100 hours of material it would have been rape to finish the two films in time for the festival. But there is absolutely no bad blood between us.”

“…it is von Trier’s most ambitious film to date, probably his masterpiece, it shows him at his best. To a merchant like me it brings a smile to my face watching lust and laughter go hand in hand with such a drama.”

I’d like to believe that that a translation faux pas is responsible for that being “rape” instead of “a race”, but this is a Lars Von Trier film we’re talking about here. The guy did have Charlotte Gainsbourg use a pair of household scissors to cut off her own cli- Nope. Can’t do it. Can’t finish that sentence. Bye bye, Little Kervyn. Please hurry back.

Magnolia is currently in the process of striking a deal to distribute Nymphomaniac internationally, and once that is done, we’ll probably get a better release date that just 2013.

Last Updated: February 14, 2013

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