This trailer for WETLANDS is not safe for work… or life

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This trailer for Wetlands, a German sort of rom-com (heavy on the “sort of”) that made quite the impression at the SXSW Film Fest earlier in the year, contains no nudity, no gratuitous violence, and unless my paltry German is letting me down, no actual foul language. And yet, there are certain scenes in this trailer I wouldn’t watch in any public space. Definitely not at work, unless your work has everybody sitting in a tiny dark box.

So what’s so bad about Wetlands? Well, it’s definitely not lead actress Carla Juri, who according to just about everybody who has seen it is a revelation. No, what’s bad is what the lovely Ms Juri does to herself and others in this very weird tale of love, skateboards and anal fissures. Yes, anal fissures.

Bodily fluid–obsessed teenager Helen describes herself as a living pussy hygiene experiment. After an intimate shaving accident, she ends up stuck in the hospital, where she skateboards through the halls and reminisces about her culinary masturbation experiments, the seductive powers of her unwashed scent, and used-tampon swapping with her equally uninhibited best friend, Corinna. All the while, she charms a handsome male nurse with her nasty sex talk and schemes to reunite her mismatched parents.

If you think that’s still pretty tame looking, allow me to give you an excerpt from Pajiba’s SXSW review to show you just how messed up this one gets:

“Hand jobs, masturbation, aggressive toilet seat rubbing, hemorrhoids. That’s the first five minutes of Wetlands. The next 105 minutes pile it on from there. Anal fissures, anal blisters, erect penises, guys who like to be sh*t on, guys who get off on shaving girls, boobs, p*ssy (if you’re offended by that word, be warned that it is used more times than it is even shown), piss, sh*t, semen, p*ssy mucus, blood, vomit, a sexualized avocado pit, vegetable masturbation, so much more semen, drugs, sex, brothels, Catholic imagery and … bloody tampons.”

Yeah.

Wetlands was written/directed by David and also stars Christoph Letkowski, Marlen Kruse and Meret Becker. It is scheduled for a limited release on September 5, 2014.

Last Updated: August 18, 2014

Kervyn Cloete

A man of many passions - but very little sleep - I've been geeking out over movies, video games, comics, books, anime, TV series and lemon meringues as far back as I can remember. So show up for the geeky insight, stay for the delicious pastries.

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