Outriders is old school action that stands tall as a satisfying and vulgar display of power that’s fast, frantic, and pure fun.

The Beatles once crooned that all you need is love, proving once and for all that the quartet of drugged-up minstrels are massive idiots. All you really need is a steady supply of chunky guns, a battlefield full of enemies to turn into bloody giblets, and unlimited temporal powers born from an alien storm that rewrote your existence on a quantum level.

Deathloop, a timey-wimey assassin-em-up game where you need eyes in the back of your head lest they be blinded with a well-placed bullet, is going to be a little bit late to the party.

Balan Wonderworld is a game of missed opportunities. It’s simplified control scheme robs it of any of the subtle complexity that the genre is best at, its various ideas are half-baked at best, and its core gameplay is a taxing uphill climb through even the most basic of platforming principles. Amusing visual design aside, the only thing that Balan Wonderworld is good at is being consistently boring.

This week’s Spring update focused on new characters, content and tournaments that’ll be coming to the game, which includes brawlers such as Rose, Oro, and Rival Schools' Akira as a guest star. Rose will land in Street Fighter V on April 19, and her new V-Skill Soul Fortune allows her to either buff herself or debuff an opponent with an arsenal of tarot cards. Other than that, Street Fighter 4 players will find a largely familiar moveset to reacquaint themselves with.

How much remastering can one Nanosuit take, I ask? Hasn’t the poor man had enough of your 4Ks and tracing rays?

Abandoned has you stepping into the shoes of a dude who is straight-up not having a good time bro. Kidnapped by the local loonies in a religious cult that’s one Kool-Aid drink away from making headlines, you’re all alone in a very thick forest that probably has a few corpses from the Blair Witch Project floating around, and something is out there.

So how big are Dimitrescu’s feet that you perverts want to smash you in the face? Bigger than the current world record holder's stompers, by a good couple of inches.