Everything’s a stress ball if you’re strong enough.
Best stories of the week
You think Sony put on a good show at E3 with that fella playing a flute? Please, the biggest name in press gauntlet madness is still Devolver Digital whose annual livestreams starring Nina Struthers have become the stuff of legend. While E3 may be gutted thanks to everyone leaving it this year, Devolver Digital ain’t afraid! They’ll be back, presumably with more blood than ever before!
In more pressing news, you’ll finally be able to start the Yakuza series on Xbox One, with the best game in the series landing soon on Xbox Game Pass. At long last, I’ll be able to shout “KIRYU-CHAN” and not be greeted by blank stares. Onto the technical side of things and hooray! Our internet has been saved, thanks to ping-masters delving deep beneath the waves and sorting out a pesky cable. I blame sharks, who are most likely jealous of our high speed downloads and gnawed on the cables to pit everyone looking to catch up on their Netflix shows.
Lastly, more free games are on the way to the Epic Games Store and they’re good ones! Log in right now, and you’ll be able to rab Assassin’s Creed Syndicate alongside the delightful Faeria.
Worst stories of the week
Ben Affleck: Terrific film director and even better Batman. While I’ll still to this day fight tooth and nail for Batman V Superman’s Snyder cut being one of the best dark knight films ever made, the rest of Batfleck’s time inside the cowl wasn’t exactly reat. At one point it looked like he’d be set to right that sinking ship, but personal demons saw one of the best actors to ever step into the batcave give up the mantle of the caped crusader. What a pity.
Sony keeps talking about revealing the PS5 when the time is right, but guess what? That time is right now dammit. I can’t wait any longer to see next-gen unveiled in Sony country. In news that makes me despise a certain mouse even more, there was also talk of another cool Alien game being in development over at 3D Realms, but once again Disney put the brakes on that project when they took over. Give me a good Alien game dammit!
WTF stories of the week
Wolcen! Possibly the best action RPG to emerge in recent years, this Steam game has been a hit AND a miss, thanks to numerous bugs that are pissing even the most dedicated players off. Meanwhile, Warner Bros. Montreal continue to tease their next Batman game, which may be a reboot that sets the series in the far future of Batman Beyond. YES PLEASE.
Header image of the week
Oh Phil Spencer, you truly will…say anything. Granted those words are detailing audio hardware acceleration on the Xbox Series X so I am listening. I’m also sharing this award with Tarryn’s delightful image over on NAG, detailing the death of the pioneer behind the copy, cut and paste system that is so widely used today, a visionary who is now CTRL+RIP.
The catch here is that I’m also claiming ownership of the image because we share roughly 90% of the same name and possession is nine-tenths of the law so the maths works out. MATHS YO!
Comments of the week (Thanks Hammer)
You are indeed correct Jacques. I am a man of culture. The kind of culture that should never be allowed outside:
That sentence is what made me know The D wrote this. He is a man of culture. Horribly twisted, writhing, cheescake disrespecting culture, but culture nonetheless.
I hear you HairyEwok. When my internet is down, I worry about it being alone in its room and playing Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory album on repeat:
I hate it when my downloads are insecure, you have any idea how hard it is to motivate and boost their self confidence so they don’t just cancel halfway through.
Alien Emperor Trevor did just did the impossible: Made Hitman better.
We could’ve avoided the whole stripper cake controversy if Agent 47 had just burst out of a Debonair’s triple decker.
Africa is finally getting food! Not that kind though, according to Pariah:
To be fair, these aren’t the kind of snacks a lot of Africa needs, but it’s something.
While Ben Affleck’s reason for leaving Batman behind is tragic stuff, I’ll be honest and admit that I chortled when I read Yozzie’s response to this sad tale:
Tell me. Do you drink?
Someone is clearly a child of the 1980s, because Original Heretic gets my header image reference for Xbox’s grand sound plans:
What do we say to that header?
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Last Updated: February 21, 2020