Just remember, your nipples will always be older than your teeth.
Best stories of the week
DUNKED KNIGHTS ASSEMBLE! I’ve long been a proponent for KFC, what with its eleven secret herbs and spices having been my sole nutrition back in my varsity days and I am beyond delighted that I’ll finally have a chance to date some up and coming Kentucky chefs who’ll be following in the footsteps of Colonel Sanders. Make my passion for this game, a Streetwise Two to tango yo!
In other non-Leon Schuster ruining news, a new Rugby game is on the way! Rugby Challenge 4 will be out at the end of the year, and judging by the response of the egg-ball starved masses, I am happy that you guys are happy to have something to play. Lord knows that EA doesn’t care about rugby no more.
Worst story of the week
R100 for a fridge in Fallout 76. Honestly, anything pithy at this point will fail to compare to the dumpster fire currently raging on reddit regarding a broken promise, so I’m just going to leave that right there.
WTF story of the week
Ordinarily a story about Nintendo releasing a new fitness peripheral would be business as usual, but the reveal video for it is…unnerving. Fronted by two organisms who learnt how to be human by watching infomercials, the unblinking gaze of two health advocates using the Ring Fit Adventure gear to get healthy is the scariest horror movie of the year.
Apex predators preying on out of shape gamers, these beings use their unnaturally white teeth to blind their victims, pouncing on them with a sales pitch and razer-sharp enthusiasm that cannot be blocked. The nightmares man, the nightmares…
Header image of the week
Ten years in the Iso-Cubes, for making a mockery of the law, creep.
Critical Hit Original Recipe Content
eFootball Pro Evolution Soccer 2020 review-in-progress
The Dark Pictures: Man of Medan review – Supermassive disappointment
Asus Zenbook S13 UX392FN review – Ultra light, ultra portable, ultra awesome
Daemon X Machina Review – Mobile suit gun ‘n blam
The best comic book covers of the week – 10 September 2019
Dark Envoy Preview: Dungeons and Bandits (and maybe Dragons)
The ten most satisfying sound effects in video games
NBA2K20 Review – Swish
Divinity: Original Sin 2 – Definitive Edition Switch Review – You’re The Best Around
Local weekend box office – It takes the crown as The Lion King becomes biggest film in SA history
Remnant: From The Ashes Review – H.P Guncraft
Torchlight 2 Switch Review: It’s good to be back
Driveclub deserved better
WRC 8 review – Twigs and leaves in the fuel
Telling Lies review – Honestly immersive FMV mystery-solving
Weekend box office – It: Chapter Two scares up $185 million global debut
The Internet reacts to Chris Jericho’s a little bit of the bubbly
Comments of the week
Alien Emperor Trevor earns an award for perfectly summing up the final chapter of Celeste:
C’lest La Vie
Kromas sums up the Internet’s sentiments regarding EA having the most downvoted record in history and their bungling towards loot box justification in the ensuing furore:
Those are not down-votes. They are surprise anger emojis.
Yahtzee got plenty of giggles and applause for this gem that came out of Nintendo’s patent to make hinged controllers for the Switch:
Since being a gamer is now officially a mental disorder. You can really *puts on sunglasses*
Get unhinged
Fox1 has a quick take on why Driveclub deserved better:
Drivesnub, huh?
And Original Heretic makes me wish that The Lighthouse was a completely different movie entirely!
It’s simple. Green Goblin and Batman are having mental breakdowns.
Bonus DVD content
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Critical Hit as an organisation.
Last Updated: September 13, 2019
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 14:39
Dat Kromas comment, pure platinum bliss
Pariah
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
Yeah the comments were on fire this week. 😀 Much comedic gold.
Kromas
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
My level up in age has increased my intellect and wit but severely reduced my stamina and strength.
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
My level up has increased a lot of things, including my belleh. STR got a ++ this year as well, but STAMINA stayed the same
Kromas
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
Yeah I really need to do more exercise.
Original Heretic
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
It’s the ear and ass hair that bothers me the most.
On you, I mean, I have no issue with my own hair.
Kromas
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
Problem is the hair on my body is coming from my head. At least in a year or two I should look like Picard.
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
MAKE IT SO
Original Heretic
September 13, 2019 at 15:22
Keep drinking dat Earl Gray Tea!
Keep the other signs of aging at bay.
HvR
September 13, 2019 at 15:51
Picard or Devito?
https://media3.giphy.com/media/YS5rH21Y3QndK/source.gif
G8crasha
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
“I will get a comment of the week one day”
“I will get a comment of the week one day”
“I will get a comment of the week one day”
“I will get a comment of the week one day”
“I will get a comment of the week one day”
…….
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
…but not today
G8crasha
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
…but one day
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
A little birdy told me some gate crasher will get comment of the week on the 31st of February 2020
Original Heretic
September 13, 2019 at 15:12
Don Trump? Is that you?!
Gustav Willem Diedericks
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
You keep being positive, dude.
Admiral Chief
September 13, 2019 at 15:02
ROFL Deus Ex call was good
Yahtzee
September 13, 2019 at 23:12
Yay! Participation award
o/