Closing your mouth is touching your face with your own face.
Best stories of the week
Amidst al the doom, gloom and your nana using her elbows to grab the last bottle of tequila through some dude’s face, there was actually a lot of good news to be had this week. First off, Nintendo dropped a new livestream for upcoming games from out of nowhere, Animal Crossing is now officially more popular than Pokemon and Mortal Kombat 11 may finally be getting the grooviest fighter.
On top of all that, there’s a free weekend of Ghost Recon Breakpoint to grab and it looks like the PS5 is going to deliver loading speeds so gosh darn good that you’ll laugh at last-gen peasants as they wait entire minutes to play a game. I’ll tilt my monocle to that.
Worst story of the week
I’m going to keep it simple and not mention anything that rhymes with Sharona Cyrus…which is kind of everything but hey I found some misery to celebrate! Earlier in the month, it looked like Silent Hill would be saved and it’d become a Sony exclusive under the watchful eye of Death Stranding’s Hideo Kojima. That’s…not happening. In fact nothing is happening, as one of the greatest horror game franchises of all time continues to rot away, left to be forgotten by a company that has no idea what to do with it.
WTF Story of the week
Over in the realm of what the hell guys, there was some madness afoot. DOOM Eternal speedrunners are currently working their way through the game and posting sub-90 minute runs while PETA is reminding the world that they’re staffed by absolute nutjobs who want you to play Animal Crossing in the most vegan way possible.
Oh and Nintendo really wants you to stop making Super Mario levels in the amazing PS4 game, Dreams. Seriously, knock it off.
Header image of the week
The only game that DOOM has to fear, is DOOM. A simple header, a quick job of magic-wanding the right elements and hey presto, we had a classic update on the best meme ever.
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Last Updated: March 27, 2020